Post by elchupacabras970 on Jul 10, 2008 0:52:00 GMT -5
Associated Press - Bonneville International Claims “Divine Inspiration”
(Salt Lake City, Utah) Bruce Reese, the President of Utah based Bonneville International, says his corporation is now responding to a higher power. The company, bank rolled by The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, is taking on the Federal Communications Commission citing freedom of religion and a “directive from on high.”
Reese tells the Associated Press that Mormon President Thomas S. Monson had a revelation instructing him to massively increase the wattage of KSL radio and to improve the tower and grounding system. “I was summoned to the highest level of the Salt Lake temple where President Monson told me that 'the end was nigh,' and that the Angel Moroni had now become the god-like equivalent of Kevin Martin in the sky.” Reese continued saying that in order to propogate the gospel with greater success, he was commanded by Monson, via Moroni, to increase the power of the successful AM station to one million watts!
“At first, I told Monson about potential legal problems, being that the current FCC power levels are limited to 50 thousand watts. The prophet then told me, 'We are thus commanded to do it, and if the heavens demand us to comply, we will do it. We will assert freedom of religion',” quipped Reese.
Reese also surprised reporters announcing that KSL will not use a type-approved transmitter, since “he was given plans to create a massive transmitter by an angel on golden plates.” Bonneville engineers were granted short access to the plans before as Reese contends, “they were taken up by an angelic being.”
The current transmitter site will be utilized with a new grounding system of 5 inch copper radials. Reese also broke silence with a surprising revelation of sorts , claiming that the new transmitter tower “would rival that of the Tower of Babel. It will be a massive 10,000 foot full-wave Franklin type antenna. The top will feature a lightning deflector made to resemble the Angel Moroni, who is our FCC chief in the sky.”
Salt Lake City Mayor Ralph Becker says he's concerned about the size and safety of such a structure, but Reese downplayed the risk arguing, “we have plenty of tithing funds to idemnify any potential loss.” Other neighbors say they plan to protest, but an unidentified Church spokesman says they “might look at exchanging property to pacify them,” reminiscent of a controversial land swap to permit the LDS Church to essentially control one of the city's centrally located plazas.
From 1935-1939, WLW in Cinncinati broadcast with 500,000 watts before reducing its signal back down to the current limit of 50,000 watts, where KSL has remained for the majority of its licensed years. Residents of the city complained of RFI, or radio frequency interference generated by the transmitter which energized bed springs, dental work and flourescent lights.
Confronted with potential interference issues, Reese downplayed the negativity factor. “In fact, that is what we want. We want everyone to hear the new format based on Mormon apologetics in their dentures, bridges, bed coils and what have you. That is why Moroni chose the AM band and not our 102.7 FM signal. And with our antenna so high, it really will be easy to reach 'heaven'.”
The Federal Communications Commission is threatening legal action against the Church if plans proceed. In fact President Barack Obama calls the project, “religious fanatacism to the extreme. We support diversity of religion, but this tows the line.”
The preceeding “story” is an attempt at humor and is not conceived with malice or intent to defame the LDS Church. (I'm a Mormon, what are they going to do, take away the 'reccomend'?
(Salt Lake City, Utah) Bruce Reese, the President of Utah based Bonneville International, says his corporation is now responding to a higher power. The company, bank rolled by The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, is taking on the Federal Communications Commission citing freedom of religion and a “directive from on high.”
Reese tells the Associated Press that Mormon President Thomas S. Monson had a revelation instructing him to massively increase the wattage of KSL radio and to improve the tower and grounding system. “I was summoned to the highest level of the Salt Lake temple where President Monson told me that 'the end was nigh,' and that the Angel Moroni had now become the god-like equivalent of Kevin Martin in the sky.” Reese continued saying that in order to propogate the gospel with greater success, he was commanded by Monson, via Moroni, to increase the power of the successful AM station to one million watts!
“At first, I told Monson about potential legal problems, being that the current FCC power levels are limited to 50 thousand watts. The prophet then told me, 'We are thus commanded to do it, and if the heavens demand us to comply, we will do it. We will assert freedom of religion',” quipped Reese.
Reese also surprised reporters announcing that KSL will not use a type-approved transmitter, since “he was given plans to create a massive transmitter by an angel on golden plates.” Bonneville engineers were granted short access to the plans before as Reese contends, “they were taken up by an angelic being.”
The current transmitter site will be utilized with a new grounding system of 5 inch copper radials. Reese also broke silence with a surprising revelation of sorts , claiming that the new transmitter tower “would rival that of the Tower of Babel. It will be a massive 10,000 foot full-wave Franklin type antenna. The top will feature a lightning deflector made to resemble the Angel Moroni, who is our FCC chief in the sky.”
Salt Lake City Mayor Ralph Becker says he's concerned about the size and safety of such a structure, but Reese downplayed the risk arguing, “we have plenty of tithing funds to idemnify any potential loss.” Other neighbors say they plan to protest, but an unidentified Church spokesman says they “might look at exchanging property to pacify them,” reminiscent of a controversial land swap to permit the LDS Church to essentially control one of the city's centrally located plazas.
From 1935-1939, WLW in Cinncinati broadcast with 500,000 watts before reducing its signal back down to the current limit of 50,000 watts, where KSL has remained for the majority of its licensed years. Residents of the city complained of RFI, or radio frequency interference generated by the transmitter which energized bed springs, dental work and flourescent lights.
Confronted with potential interference issues, Reese downplayed the negativity factor. “In fact, that is what we want. We want everyone to hear the new format based on Mormon apologetics in their dentures, bridges, bed coils and what have you. That is why Moroni chose the AM band and not our 102.7 FM signal. And with our antenna so high, it really will be easy to reach 'heaven'.”
The Federal Communications Commission is threatening legal action against the Church if plans proceed. In fact President Barack Obama calls the project, “religious fanatacism to the extreme. We support diversity of religion, but this tows the line.”
The preceeding “story” is an attempt at humor and is not conceived with malice or intent to defame the LDS Church. (I'm a Mormon, what are they going to do, take away the 'reccomend'?
